As Jar Jar Binks might put it. In a situation that felt like the beginning of something Kafkaesque, I was accosted by a saleswoman at the supermarket trying to push samples of some bloody biscuit. I hate these promotional people, so much so that when I see them standing in an aisle I'll reflexively pull away and return to that aisle later, when the coast is clear. This is partly because they can be nagging, irritating assholes, and partly because they sometimes look so desperate that I feel bad telling them I'm not interested.
Anyway, to get back on track, today as I'm heading for the cheese rack I see her out of the corner of my eye, waiting to pounce; it's too late to turn back without looking like a chump, so I change course slightly to walk in a wide arc around her. To a sane human, this ought to be a clear sign that I don't want biscuit samples, but this crazy woman just darts in front of me and starts telling me about this promotion. Politely as I can, I say no thank you, I'm not interested, and start to walk away, but she moves those first two steps with me and says, quite impudently, that I should just try a sample. I repeat, slightly more firmly, no thanks... and then it happens. The non smile she was supposed to be wearing disappears faster than Iraq's WMDs, her face turns as rigid as Skeletor's, and she gives me the coldest, freakiest glare one would hope never to behold in the dairy food section.
This supermarket Medusa's icy stare holds my upper body transfixed, unable to look away even as my legs continue walking, probably making me look like some kind of strange sideways walker or a deleted scene from 'The Exorcist'. She may have been the spawn of the Devil or Cthulu, looking at me as if my rejection of those biscuits was the greatest sin since the Original (TM). And then I finally tear my eyes away and scurry off to where the cheese is, out of sight of her accusing visage. I manage to later sneak back past her while she's busy accosting other customers.
AAAHHHH! My point is, can't a guy buy some cheese in peace anymore without having to go through this sort of bizarre, unnerving, and wholly unjustifiable treatment? How freakin wude!